How to Make Date Night a Regular Thing

View fullsize

Regular dates can lead to a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.

How often do you go on a date with your significant other?

When we say date, we do not necessarily mean eating dinner at a fancy restaurant or going to a movie. We believe dates can be a night on the town or a night in on the couch. Or they can even be breakfast after dropping the kids at school. We define a date as time intentionally set aside for you and your someone to have fun and grow together as a couple.

How often does that happen for you?

If your answer is “not as often as we would like,” we want to help you make date night a regular thing—first by addressing what is standing in the way, then by offering solutions to how you can overcome those obstacles and start investing in your relationship.

We’re going to make it easy for you: Revolutionize your relationship with the three “IZE”.

1. Strategize

First thing is first, you need to strategize how you can make date nights happen, and for that you need to communicate. You need to tell your partner that you want to start making your relationship more of a priority through regular date nights. Then you need to talk to your partner about what is standing in the way. The most common challenges? Time, childcare, imagination, and money. Let’s break each one down.

Time - Make a goal for how often you would like to have scheduled dates. We suggest once per week, but once or twice a month works too. Next, look at your calendar and highlight times that would work in your schedules. Once you’ve considered your other obstacles, like childcare, which we will get to next, block out a time that is thereby reserved for the other person. If you cannot find any room in your schedule, it’s time to readjust your priorities, because your relationship matters!

Childcare - One of the biggest reasons couples give for not having date night? The babysitter. Too expensive, too difficult to find, too untrustworthy, too much of a headache.

We have a couple of solutions to get around this problem. One is to wait until the kids are in bed and then have date night at home. This idea may sound foreign to you, but we have dozens of “stay in” date ideas that you can do when childcare, time, or money are lacking. Another idea is to bring the kids with you when you go out and give them activities to keep them occupied. I would consider this one last, because it is almost guaranteed that you will get distracted from your partner. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do to make date night happen.

The thing is, getting out of the house and spending time with your spouse without kids also needs to happen. And if you have kids, that requires childcare. There’s no getting around that finding childcare can be difficult, but here are a few suggestions from moms and dads around the internet:

• ask around - Ask other parents for recommendations for a great babysitter, either at your child’s school, your church, or on your local parenting message board. Then do your research, talk to references, interview the babysitter, and make sure you pay them well and give them plenty of notice so they will keep coming back.

• use family - For anyone with nearby family who would love to spend time with nieces, nephews, or grandchildren, this can be an excellent, and oftentimes free, option. Just be sure you are not taking advantage of your family and that you give plenty of advance notice.

• join or start a babysitting co-op - A babysitting co-op is a group of parents who agree to trade babysitting hours using some kind of point or ticketing system. Usually it takes place within an existing community. The best part? It’s free, but you have to put your time in watching other people’s kids.

• do a swap - A less daunting system may be to swap kids with another couple that you trust. They watch your kids for an evening, you watch theirs for an evening. If you have several couples you can do this for, even better.

No matter what you end up doing, be sure to listen and ask questions to both your babysitters and your children about how things go. Communication is essential with regards to anyone taking care of your children.

Imagination - The next obstacle people come across is imagination—or lack thereof. “What should we do?” becomes the eternal date night question. Many people have trouble finding answers to it, so they just don’t do anything. Or, at least, they don’t do anything intentional.

One way to solve the problem is to brainstorm ideas together when you schedule for the month. Then, divide up the responsibility of who is planning. Maybe you and your partner alternate who plans each week. That way, it feels like both of you are putting in the effort.

You may not be great at dreaming up new date ideas, but that’s okay. We are. We are constantly suggesting new and interesting ways to make dates out of the things you already love. That includes dates you can do for free from home, dates you can do for special occasions, and dates you can do out on the town that you probably have never thought of before.

(Need a few to start with? Try 10 Ways to Change Up Dinner and a Movie.)

Money - The last, and perhaps greatest, obstacle we want to discuss is money. Money always manages to make life complicated. Date nights often get pushed aside because they seem to be too expensive, especially when adding in a babysitter. Our next step in making date night happen is to learn how to budget for it.

View fullsize

Soon you will be laughing in the face of those obstacles that once kept you from date nights.

2. BUDGETize

Setting up a budget for date night can allow you both to rest easy. Nothing kills the romance like feeling guilty about how much you spent on that candlelit dinner or those concert tickets. The first step is to sit down together, look over your current budget, and decide on a monthly amount you can allot to date night. The actual amount will depend on your financial situation, but make sure it is enough to give you some freedom when it comes to choosing a date activity.

That said, remember that not all dates have to break the bank. Many of the date ideas we have here on Make a Date of It are free, or close to it. If budgeting is tight, you could plan for one more expensive date night out per month and then do the rest on the cheap. Or you could spend less than $20 on every date, getting dessert instead of dinner, and bringing your own snacks to a matinee movie. There are many ways to go about it, just make sure you have the money set aside so you don’t feel guilty about spending it.

If you are operating under a zero-based budget, like we are, you will have to find money already existing in your budget to draw from. Chances are you have some sort of entertainment budget anyway, or at least money set aside for eating out. Consider drawing from there. If you are not finding any wiggle room, look at where you can cut back. It may take sacrificing that daily Starbucks (maybe try once a week instead), or that fourth streaming service subscription (do you really need Netflix and Hulu Plus at the same time?), but in the end it is worth it.

Budgeting for date night shows that you care about your relationship and its long-term success. It also gives you freedom to enjoy each other without constant worry.

3. Prioritize

Now that we’ve gone over scheduling, overcoming obstacles, and budgeting, it’s time to put things into action. Make date night happen!

That starts with making it a priority. Treat date night as something exciting and important, not as something that you can constantly push to the back-burner. Think back to when you and your significant other first started dating. How would you have felt if your partner kept pushing back dates and lacked any enthusiasm? You would have thought they didn’t like you very much. The thing is, that impression doesn’t change much, even after years of being together.

Remember that dating is an investment into your relationship. What do we mean by investment? Just that—it’s putting time, money, and energy into ensuring that your relationship goes the distance. Intentional time together is essential to a healthy relationship. Not only that, but that’s why you’re in the relationship in the first place. You want to connect, have fun, be intimate, and enjoy life together. Luckily for you, doing those things can also strengthen your relationship and lead to less pain and heartache down the line.

Instead of dreading the idea of having to plan one more thing, look at how awesome your life just became. It’s like the doctor telling you candy is good for you, so it would be to your benefit to eat as much of it as you want. Date nights are the epitome of fun—and you should want to start making them happen regularly. Also, they are good for you. Your relationship, as well as your own well being, can thrive when you make time for each other.

We are constantly coming up with ideas to support you and your relationship. Sign up for our newsletter below and follow us on social @makeadateofit so the ideas come right to you.

---

You May Also Be Interested In…